It’s no secret to the four or five people who read this blog that I’ve been conflicted about writing it. But the act of writing is not the cause of the conflict. It’s my finances.
I’m divorced. Twice. Both times amicably as far as these things go. I’ve also been “married” most of my life. Bear with me. This all has to do with money and writing simply for the joy of it.
I’ll be 63 in a couple of weeks. My first husband was my high-school sweetheart. We were legally married for 9 years and together for 14. My second husband is the father of my beloved son. We were legally married for 17 years and mostly lived together for 22. Add up those committed partnership years and it comes to 36.
Do the math: 36/63=57% of a life and that includes my childhood years that aren’t technically eligible to be included. “Married” more than half of my WHOLE life.
Obviously, I find being in this kind of partnership attractive. But being single also suits me. There are joys and challenges in each of these ways of living. And they’re different.
For me, the biggest challenge of being single is the economics. You have one person’s energy devoted to maintaining a household rather than two. And my household sprawls over several acres. It involves vehicles that need oil changes and tires rotated, grocery shopping, roofs that need redoing, mowing, laundry, property taxes . . . when you have two people kicking in to do these jobs, the load is lighter . . . by half. That’s the part that I miss most. I never felt financially fragile when there were two of us pulling the material, every-day-living yoke. How unromantic of me.
I don’t want you to think I’m a wretch when it comes to romance. When I was in those marriages I thought more about being in love that in a financial partnership. And in my “in-between-marriages” times I’ve enjoyed the company of some lovely men. But that’s different. Those relationships are non-economic.
But back to how this relates to my writing a blog. I feel an urgency to make this blog about business . . . to promote my knitting classes and book right now, just an urgency to create enough income to live without debt and that’s a modest proposal. Except for travel to family and friends, I live a VERY modest life by North American standards. I drive a 1987 Toyota Celica, for Heaven’s sake!
I have an internal voice that says if I’m not “promoting business” I’m “wasting time” . . . because I’m feeling financially fragile. For the first time in my life I have a credit card balance that I don’t pay off every month.
But serving my finances is not where my heart is. My heart says to tell you about the amazing places I’ve been in the past two months, physically and emotionally . . . to tell you about the amazing places I’ve visited in the past 63 years. To tell you stories that will make you cry. Those are my favorite kinds of stories to read . . . and to tell.
One of my favorite quotes of all time is Mark Twain’s: “When in doubt, tell the truth.” The truth is that I only want to write from the heart here.
I guess that blows my chances of getting rich quick.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Those who get rich quick through gambling (be it casinos or the lotteries) find themselves in bankruptcy more often than not. A ful life and happiness are not about money, fragile as we may feel. It is often the fragility that keeps our eyes open for opportunity. And Beauty.
Nancy . . . I was teasing about getting rich quick.
Teaching knitting and selling a knitting book isn’t exactly the fast track to material wealth though it’s certainly a pleasurable profession.
I believe if you write from the heart and connect with people in a personal way then the business will come. I’d love to hear your stories so please, write about what makes you happy!
@Amy
Thanks Honey!